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Švejk [shvāke] Svejk

This blog is dedicated to the title character of The Fateful Adventures of the Good Soldier Švejk During the World War and his creator, Jaroslav Hašek.

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Thursday, August 18, 2005

ANOTHER CZECHMATE! THE END IS NEAR ...

In 1990, the Czechoslovak President Václav Havel, much admired by the "progressive elements" of the otherwise "rotting Capitalist West", advanced the idea that Czechoslovakia could contribute to international progress by proposing to abolish the obsolete North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). "We," said Havel, "would not necessarily have to get credit" for this marvelous foundation of eternal international peace.

That universal dream was shattered by the intransigence of the American imperialist government and its international lackeys. As they say, the proof is in the pudding: Eleven years later, the warmongering of the Americans ignited a new scourge, global terrorism.

Once again, the Czechs - and I'm sure their Slovak brothers and sisters as well - stand ready to pull their heavy share.

From the land - or more precisely the Czech Lands - that gave the world the very paradigm of survival in hostile circumstances, the Good Soldier Švejk, comes another ingenious idea in the nick of time. I just received it by e-mail today (written in Czech) and could hardly wait to share it with my fellow Americans and all people of good will everywhere who don't have the benefit of understanding Czech. Please, since this could mean the difference between life and death, take your time to read the following appeal and consider joining the growing ranks of this grass-roots, citizen-soldier antiterrorist army:

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"Common Struggle Against the Taliban Terrorists

"As is commonly known, for any Taliban man of deep faith it is a deadly sin to take a look at a naked woman unless she is his own wife. If he were to behold her it would be his holy duty to commit suicide.

"We hereby call on all women to walk out into the streets naked this coming Saturday at two o’clock in the afternoon. In doing so you will help to identify undesirable terrorists, the so-called sleepers. We recommend walking in the vicinity for about an hour so as to create a sufficient anti-terrorist effect.

"We are calling on all men to extend support to their wive’s endeavor and lie down on lawn chairs in front of their places of residence, and in doing so observe the naked women - even if they are not their own wives. Of course, the men will engage in this activity only to support their wives in the struggle against terrorism.

"Since it is forbidden for Taliban men to drink alcoholic beverages, a cold beer in every man’s hand should be a clear signal of his healthy antiterrorist stance. The Czech Government holds this initiative of the citizens in great esteem in advance of the event, and thanks all for helping in the struggle against terrorism.

"It is your damn patriotic duty to pass this e-mail on."
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Needless to say, I am proud of the anonymous author of this missive. Perhaps one day we can erect a monument to him. Or chisel it in granite in the same quarry - or one nearby - where just this summer a group of Czech patriots created the Czech answer to Mount Rushmore.

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